Funny. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Yet my “body confidence” is at an all time high. Go Figure! :D
http://chestna.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/chestnas-survival-guide-for-incredibly-boring-
Way Too Much Information. You've Been Warned.
Rant: Even my poop procrastinates!
It seems that I am only capable of pooping every 3 days or so. But each time, it’s 3 days’ worth, meaning that there is (at least temporary) toilet stoppage every time I poop! Why can’t I just poop a little bit every day, with reasonable amounts?
I even tried the “eat more fiber, drink LOTS of water to move it along” thing. No poop. Just bloatiness and crankiness. Finally I got off of my health-food high horse a couple days later and had some greasy, cheesy lasagna. Whaddaya know, here comes the poop. Just sittin’ there taking up half the damn toilet bowl.
For once I’d like to take a dump and only have to flush once. That’s all.
I <3 Drugs
Her: You seem so...different.
Me: How do you mean?
Her: You're usually so energetic and bubbly, like you're ADD or something
Me: Yes.
Her: You mean, oh - you're on medication for it?
Me: Yes
Her: Well, I don't know...you seem almost TOO mellow
Me: I am fine.
Her: But it's like you're not even yourself anymore
Me: Good.
Her: What?
Me: I don't recall ever being fond of myself.
Her: ?
What the deuce, man
At least this time it didn’t hang around long enough for me to get all attached to it. Still drained all my energy though. Made the girls grow nice and full. What a tease. They were untouchable. They winced in pain when brushed by the slightest breeze. At least this time I knew to wait, and wait. And wait. Before spreading tidings of comfort and joy to anyone who would listen.
The first one hung out with us for six weeks. Right around the time it was supposed to get a hearbeat, it got the hell outta dodge. I almost don’t recognize that hysterical grieving woman it left behind as myself.
What could I do? I was hopelessly in love. It was first love, all over again, intensified in a magnitude I didn’t think possible for myself. I had to see the remains. I had to name it. I couldn’t sleep for over a week for lovesickness. Heartbreak. This was at only six weeks.
I guarded my heart this time. Good thing I did. Now that this one’s gone, maybe I can get some of my energy back. Although, I don’t think I’ll mind that much if the enhanced girls stick around for awhile.
Driving with Cell Phones
Today someone was talking on the radio about whether there should be a federal law banning cell phone usage while driving. I don’t see why not. When I had a cell phone, I always turned it off before driving anyway. I vaguely remember a time where human beings managed to drive from one place to another without being so d@mn available to everyone in their little black book, and without the need to carry on conversations with someone not currently in the same vehicle. Besides, driving is my relaxing radio time. Thou shalt not bug me, for any reason, while I am driving. Whatever you have to tell me can wait, or you should have caught me before I left the house. If it’s that important, that urgent, then it’s probably an emergency, in which case you should call 911 - because I can’t help you with whatever it is. Anyway, the radio show -
Of course callers called in with their opinions, and so on. There was one very smug-sounding guy who called in to say that well, some people are very good at multi-tasking and they shouldn’t be punished just because someone else can’t drive and talk at the same time. He knows for a fact that he would feel safer with someone like himself behind the wheel with a cell phone, than with some other folks driving at all, cell phone or not. Someone else felt the same way. They’re coordinated and smart enough to drive while chatting on a cell phone - it’s not their fault that other folks are out they’re killin’ folks because they’re too distracted by the phone.
Well, good for you. For all you Talented Tommy’s and Tammy’s out there, whose driving is not affected at all by whether you are using a cell phone, good for you. Pat yourselves on the back. As a matter of fact, why don’t all the rest of the common folk gather around and give you a standing ovation. There. Do you feel that you have been duly acknowledged? Good.
Now listen. Nobody’s in the mood to go screening every driver in the country to determine who’s cellphone vulnerable, and who’s not. That’ll cost a lot of time and money, and for what? To stroke your ego? Meanwhile, cell phone distraction continues to go along its merry way, causing over 2,500 deaths and over 300,000 injuries every year.
Let’s say Big Brother does come along and swat that cell phone out of every single driving hand - Talented Tommy’s/Tammy’s and Common Folk alike. What are the consequences of removing cell-phone distraction from common folk drivers? We increase the likelihood of increased safety on the roads for all. That’s not so bad. What are the consequences fo removing cell-phone distraction from Talented Tommy and Talented Tammy? We were just as safe as before, so that’s not so bad. What else happens? Does Talented Tommy spontaneously combust? Does Talented Tammy’s brain atrophy due to lack of stimulation - the kind that can only come from deftly balancing the tasks of driving while using a cell phone? What great sacrifice is being made here? Oh, are you insulted, now? Since you can’t use your finely honed multi-task-driving skills?
Dear Talented People, since you are smart enough, advanced enough - highly evolved enough to drive while chatting on the cellphone, know this: I have faith in you that, should you ever get mercilessly robbed of that divine right, you will find an intelligent way to cope.
To Do: Learn to be happy
I was listening to the radio yesterday, and two ladies were singing “Center of My Joy” by Richard Smallwood. They sang it beautifully. I enjoyed the music.
I simply enjoyed the music.
That was new for me. For many years, Christian music elicited a conditioned response from me. I was either to enter weepy-worship mode, or feel extremely guilty. When I heard non-Christian music, I was to feel extremely guilty, of course. This time, I enjoyed the music. That was so refreshing.
I am unemployed, in debt, and have no recent accomplishments to speak of. I am even using incorrect grammar and sentence structure. My apartment is a mess. Many of my peers from different areas of my life are doing more things and having more things than I. Thirty days ago, all of this was fuel for my depression. Now, I am content. Yes, there are things in my life to work on. However, I have learned that I don’t have to wait until the problems are fixed in order to be happy. I am happy now.
I am not the strong, independent woman I thought I would be by now. I don’t care. I am learning, for the first time ever, how to be happy. How to just BE.
